I am very sorry for your pain. I know what it is like to have your thoughts run away like this, and it seems so true.

Please talk about it. What is hurting you?

fact that i just turne 34 today and im no where in my life
cabnt get anywhere with anything i just wish it was over
this world sucks anyways. But i hate myself more

I am 39. I felt the way you do on my birthday just two years ago. I went to see a therapist to talk about it. Have you tried that yet? It wasn't the magic solution, but it helped me see that self-hatred is a symptom, not a reality.

I still often feel like I am no where in my life too. But at least now I have learned to identify when it is the symptoms of depression making me feel intense pain and self-hatred. The truth is that life is hard. But depression makes everything hurt a thousand times worse.

Have you seen a doctor or therapist about it?

i saw my doctor today
she increased my meds
but meds cant make me better pedrson

The new dosage of your Meds takes time to work right? And I suppose even if they don't make you a better person, the right meds can remove the huge uphill battle that is keeping you from feeling better.

When you're not feeling well, what a burden it feels like, and there's no strength to do anything to help yourself. It's not fair to you. You deserve to find the right meds, so that you can feel better first.

I felt exactly the same way when I was 34-35. It was probably the most hopeless part of my life. Counseling and meds didn't make me a better person, but they did enable me to see myself in a more positive way that I never had before. That allowed me to work through feelings of uselessness and self-loathing and find more self-acceptance. It's still something I have to work on every day, but I have fewer bad days than good.

I have said that stuff to myself a thousand and one times.. I am learning to deal with, that people makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Its the only way to make it in this cruel world.. I hope you see this soon and can find away to realize that you are not a screw up. You need to work on self-worth and self-esteem.. As soon as you get that down a little, the rest will come easier...

Good luck sweetie.. hugs and peace

I am 58 and feel the same way. I dont have any words of wisdom for you today.

You are not a screw up. You're just concentrating too much on what you are doing wrong. Concentrate on the other things that you do right. Success does not have to be defined in the way you are defining it. I think success is a personal thing, not a social, economical, professional thing. That's my opinion anyway.

It doesn't make sense :) But, that's my opinion.

Here's something...

I'm around your age. Today, I'm beating myself up over whether or not someone (whom I don't really respect in the first place) thinks I'm dumb. It was a miscommunication on my part. I clarified, but I don't have confidence they got it. So, I'm thinking "Stupid, stupid, stupid." Here's the deal. I learned through my family that you are never going to change their minds no matter what you do. BECAUSE, by them continuing to think of you as "stupid" (or whatever), they are protecting what they think of themselves. If I am not stupid to them, than that discredits them in some way. Nevertheless, it still bothers me.

Just had to get that out. Maybe give advice I don't take, yet again.

You're not but you can't see it. You drop a dime on the ground and curse yourself for dropping it,, you don't see that you noticed you dropped it and picked it up and it wouldn't even matter if you didn't. Completely human faults you are condemning yourself for. The circle of depression. I am hoping you start feeling better soon. Hugs.