I am new here and have been despprately looking for a site to go to. I feel lonely and alone in my life. I have wonderful children and want them home a safe but to stay away from me. I have a great friend that lives with me and he tries to help me. I think about dieing allot but I to many obligations. Besides I just feel dead inside already. I don't seem to have any motivation to do anything everything bores me. I have crohns and diabetees and between them I haven't slept in years. I am divorced and have huge trust issues I don't think I will ever beable to trust anyone truely again. I grew up beated and abused. I have been raped. And all of these things I can see where they were my fault. I have allow many men to abuse me. My father would tell me before he would beat me I am doing this because I Love You. In the last couple of years I have moved my children around trying to find someplace I fit in. I move back to my home state now I am to close to my alcoholic sister and brother in law. I love them but they are very controlling. I am like a child. I have so much to write it is overflowing but I will stop for now. Thanks for listening
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