A little bit about what I think has caused my depression. About two years ago I had a 1 night stand and have felt extremely bad about it every since. Yes I did tell my husband and there are not to many days that go by that he dont make me feel worse that what I already feel.

I found out that he answered a personal ad and when I asked him about it he lied to me. I have been pretty depressed since I found out. I guess its more because when he asked me I told him the truth and he just lies about it to me. (this is not the first time he has lied to me about this type of matter.)

Anyway last week is when the depression started and over the last 4 mornings I have woke up crying and he seems to think that I can just stop at a drop of a pin. I have tried to explain to him that it is not that easy, but he doesnt believe me. I dont want to go to work, I dont want to eat (have lost over 10lbs in the last 4-5 days.), dont want to talk, just want to curl up and cry.

Last night in bed we got into an argument about him lying to me and needless to say he grabbed his pillow and a blanket. I followed him and we had a few more words and I went back into the bedroom and grabbed this little box that I have a raiser blade in. Sometimes I get so depressed that I just cut myself, its never been deep enough to draw a whole lot of blood. That was until last night when I grabbed it out of the box I cut my forearm and was going to continue down my arm. After making the first cut something in side of me said What are you doing? I looked back down at my arm and it was bleeding pretty good not enough for stitches. Its just like I just realized what I had actually done it was weird. I threw the raiser blade behind my dresser. I was crying to begin and when I couldnt get the bleeding to stop it made it worse and I said out loud that I couldnt get it to stop. My husband heard me and came in a few seconds later. He helped got it bandaged up for me. He kept telling me that crying was not going to help and so I just need to stop it. I didnt sleep very much and again woke up crying.

I dont like the person that I become when this happens I use to be a very happy person.


I just really wished that he could understand that I dont or cant just turn these moods on and off. Cuz I would rather keep them off for good and go back to being the happy person I use to be. But I am sure all of you feel the same way.