I need to talk to someone, I an fining myself slipping back into depression. I have no one and I have a trust issue. Like me tell you briefly why I don't trust the "monkey heads" [a name I give coulsers, since they seem to go nuts over folks problems] In Grade school the scholl sent me to their pysco. he taped the session and wanted to use it as a teaching aid fro upcoming couselors in the school system! The school sent me to onther one who seem odd and wanted to only hear my moms side and not mine. The next time it was a male and the female from last time, same results. Then in middle school they were concerned I was missing to many days and sent me to one the told me right in my face I did not have a problem and sent us to an family couselor. He only heard my Dads side. He did assign us someone to go out with to "talk" the first person only wanted to bake bread and other stuff. I never "talked". The second person after she moved only wanted me to run errands with her. She did prevent me from being placed in the loony bin. She quit on me saying something about insurance? I found out later that my Dads insurnce was paying them and they was using just to get their degree or somthign so they could counsel in Schools. One High School teacher believed a lie from a student and I was in the restroom she threaten to have the door taken off the hinges if I did not come out. She lid to me and said the lunch bell had rung, so I came out and she grabbed me! Thakfully I got away. Many other stundents lied to teachers or told them something. They wouls meet me at the door and escort me to the office. Once I was lead to a males couselors office withe the door shut, I felt so uncomfortable. Then my last year of high School my Youth leader got involded and threaten to have me locked up if I did not see him or start eating. When I did go he asked me to write down something based on the topic. He would even bribe me to talk. He gave me a T-shirt, Tapes, Coke and candy. I found out later he was sharing everthing with my dad and grandmother. When I moved in with my mom we went to one at church and he told us to take EA meeting. I got tired of not getting the help I need and doing a 12-step program and saying I am ____ and I am powerles over my emotions "duh!". So we quit. Then a couple of years later I went back to our family couselor and told him and he told me I was just angry and gave me a book based on Reality Therapy? [I wanted to die dude I was not angry] Then years down the road my family was fearful of me and I was very angry to the point I would threaten my sister. My chuch recommmend a Couselor. who I went to for nine months until she gave up on me and told me I was oppessed of the devil and she could not help me. During this time I was hauled off to the loony bin beign hand-cuffed by the Police. What they loony peole said was that my Mom and siter did not want me living with them. I was called a liar and the disliked me for a while. I told the truth. Couple of month later our Pastor asked me to come by he wanted to talk. He told me that there was several people that are willing to pay for me to to go see a monkey head. He also asked have I cut myself I lied if I told him they most prob would of sent me to the loony bin. More months passed and I was told to take a delieverance class at church which ends with a retreat. As I was going to this class I told out of trust I was cuting and putting my blood on paper. I was told to go to the loony bin. I resisted so there was people chasing me around to get me to go, since they did not want to call the Police. When I finally went I had the Pastor and his wife, two other ladies and my mom to escort me there, soooo embrassing! I was told I was depressed and they gave me Prozac. They never had a follow up on the meds something would come up an they would cancel same with the threapy. A month went by I was worse and I was OD'n and I was threating to kill my sister. I was forced to go back, or the Police would come. Only thing they did was up my doseage. end of story. I did get soem releif from the deliverance retreat but that was May 4, 2005! My life has not changed much. I still have not found a job, I still have a screwed up credit to the point I can't buy things like a car or move out on my own. I still don't have a social life. I do have a cyber-life now,lol. All I am asking what do I do and where do I find help w/ cost.
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