I don't think it's a case of being close minded, I mean sheesh there is only so much disrespect and BS a person can handle.

Personally if I were in your shoes I'd tell the little ingrates "Fine, seeing as you're never bloody satisfied with what your father and I do for you, do it yourself if you think you can do a better job"

That kind of behaviour might be tolerated slightly more if they were small children but these 2 are adults!!!!

It's really dishearting Mel when you have given and given and given over 18 years and all you get is ....absolutely nothing!

Yeah, they're selfish and disloyal their their father who, btw, is a prince of a man and not just because I'm married to him. Their mother is such a piece of psychological trash (MSW) who warps anything and everything she touches, but I guess she's still their dear, "MOMMY"


OH....I am still trying not to thing about these pathetic people and move on.

Yep disheartening is right. I can't say I've ever been in that position myself, but many of my friends are going through the same thing (ie) they are the step mom and the birth mother is some kind of psychotic looney who constantly twists the minds of the kids (it's quite disgusting really). And no matter what the step-mom does it's always wrong in their eyes.

Besides...it's you home and if they can't behave and show respect then they don't have the right to come over as far as I'm concerned. I mean lets turn the tables here for a minute.....I bet ya if you did the same thing back to them they'd be screaming blue bloody murder (a saying my mom used to have).

If those 2 want to be respected then they have to earn it from their own actions first.

Thank you, Mel and yes, earning respect is exactly the point. I guess it's like any other relationship in life. It will only succeed if both parties respect one another and are willing to make it work. At least now I know that deep down, the two young women that I spent many years caring for and financially supporting really do not respect me and do not wish to support a long lasting relationship. My husband had said this too, and as far as he is concerned~ he's done with them too. As he said, they're on their own and that's it.

I think that the most important thing to realise is that you and your husband have tried to provide the 2 girls the best that you can and no-one can fault you from trying your best. Mothers give and give and give and very seldom take for them selves, it's something that psychologists refer to as the "empty coffee cup syndrome".

But there comes a time in a child's life where they have to let go of the ropes and do it on their own and it sounds like you and your husband are united on that front. It will be hard and the girls won't thank you for it right now, but they'll (hopefully) realise somewhere down the track that it was in everybody's interest to sever certain ties until these 2 can learn how their disrespect for others impacts on their own lives.

do you know curly... i was thinking that you was talking of my family than!!!!

i had my oldest boy at 17yrs, than just kept going till i was 29....

now when i reached my 36th birthday i was thinking that things would start getting easier, but hay i went and fell in love with my now husband....

1 yr after marriage we got coustdy (sp?) of his to young boys, (7 and 10)now 13 and 16, .............OMG, i know what you are chatting about, they take take take, and there waist of space mother is the bees knees and dose shit all for them.....

i myself have got very bitter towards them, i no longer do any thing for them, and the sad, very sad thing is ......they aint even noticed.....

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Thanks rogan. It's the pits alright. I married my husband at age 35. He's 16 years older and his two daughters came to live with us when they were about 13 & 15. It was a big adjustment for me, but having grown-up in a large family and being an older kid seemed to help me "take charge" readily. Now, after so many years of trying to be the "step mom" and so forth...I now see that it's just all for nothing. I guess I have to learn to let it go and move forward.
I hope you can learn from me and not invest yourself emotionally into people who will not return the favor. Like mel said, it's the "empty coffee-cup syndrome."