i was able to get through many surgeries . i was able to get back to work. i was fortunate to have a golf pro who taught me how to play golf. We played golf the sunday before my surgery.. wow 17 years ago. She gave me a great tool to deal with depression. i have been depressed for a long time. i dont want to talk about the other trauma that came about. but it took me away from many things that i was blessed with durng something as serious as cancer. I have been feeling lately that i have lost almost a decade . quitting teaching coming out about having MH struggles to my boss and being stigmatized was enough . It was the beginning of a downward spiral. i am grateful that i have had good folks from time to time who stuck their neck out for me because i put alot of good seeds into kids lives. But i am alone now. did not touch golf for the last 3 years.. I quit drinking. it is just one less thing i need to bring me down. so today i cannot believe i went to the golf range and hit golf balls . what it did for me i cannot even describe. why would i give up something that was such a huge positve and a huge gift to me i dont know but depression and ptsd are thieves and so are the demons we use to cope. Today was a good day . i will take it. i also got to grieve for my lost Golf teacher. She walked away from me when i had a crisis after 9 years of teaching me OMG THank God for the forum for sobriety and for the seeds others planted when they coould .. I hope this share gives someone hope. i have been to the botom and back a few times At 62 i just want to share my experience strength and hope.. Get a hobby if you dont have one. thanks for listening. Playing some golf today did more for me than any pill or drink.