Yesterday i think was one of the worst days ever do u ever feel like your spirts been so broken down your alredy dead like youve been torn apart everyone owns your emotions and now you just your dead inside lifes not moving any further well thats exactlly how im feeling last night i was on retarded ass facebook and came acrost a picture i wish i hadnt see me and my ex have been hookin up and what not i really thought shit maybe he likes me still hes been callin and missing work to come see me and what not you know just things to make u wonder and i wasnt really sure if he still had a girlfriend but i dont care i kno its wrong but he was my first love my first everything and being a child who came from an abusive home picking up your trust after that is interly hard and i did with him well yesterday guess what that picture on facebook completley tells me he has a girlfriend im like you fuckin idiot pardon my language ...in spend so much damn time on you and u hurt me like this i mean ive turned guys down cuz i cant get over him i dont wantto be in a reltionship with still feelings for him and hes an ass i know i shouldnt just being my first and the one i thought i trust its soooo hard this reallly hurts i have BIG trust issues to and now he made then bigger just when i was starting to let go a little and relax now i cant and latley ive been fighting with my mom god i hate it sooooo much i really do i dont want that shes going through court with my dad right u know gettin back pay alomony or whatever u call it and all that and hes once thretened us for goin after what he calls his money which really isnt his its just wow and alos om top of that i got friends but atlest once in my life theyve treated me like shit or stabbed in in the back this is just gettin to be too much i dont wana make stupid decisions but i feel like other then my family and mom if i didnt wake up tommrow no one else would care besides them thats a painful feeling and im not even done high school yet and im 18 and i need a job and im trying to find motivation for goals i have but i cant find it what so ever with this drama i was wondering about anti dep but i here it makes it worse honestly wtf do i do
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