I'm afraid I've hit rock bottom. I've tried everything....well almost everything......exercise, yoga, meditation, diet, a few antidepressants, therapy for 3 weeks. Nothing seems to be pulling me out of the most extreme negative thoughts. I hate it! i just want to have back my life. Sure i may have been a bit numb before, but at least i wasnt obsessing about my life and if it's going to work out. My wife doesnt understand real depression and seems to think no matter what i say that i am a big burden to her, so i feel like my marriage is falling apart, i cant seem to enjoy ANYTHING no matter how hard i try, and i keep thinking about losing everyone i love even though i havent lost them yet. And the suicidal thoughts get stronger and stronger, when i want them to get weaker and weaker. I'm questioning my whole existence, which i am afriad is obviously not healthy for me, because i seem to always find a reason not to stay alive, instead of a reason TO stay alive. Only just a month ago i was a sucessful Sound Engineer with a bright outlook on the future and saving money. Now i can barely do anything and fear it is never going to get better. How do i help myself out of this hole??? I just want my life back.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??