Here is the question of the ages. What is wrong with me? I love everyone in my family! I love them ALL so much that I constantly worry about each and every one of them. They do not seem to hold the same feelings for me and thats alright. Perhaps its because I am an unlovable shrew. Perhaps its because I am a bitch to all of them because I am constantly questioning, worrying and caring too much. My mom says that I ask her too many questions about her cancer treatments. My husband says that I worry too much about him and my son simply hates me. But, I try so very hard to do all that they need from me that I sometimes feel I cannot do it ALL!!!!!

I know that I need not fear anyone reading this after I am gone, because they will simply delete everything that was me from this computer. Joseph or Wayne, probably Wayne, will claim it and he will just simply either not bother to ever read what I have written or simply delete everything for a clean hard drive.

How am I ever to know why I cannot make them happy? I see people on the street going about their lives as if it will never end. They never seem to think that this life is tenable, at best. They have this ingrained ability to just keep going and to actually try to make things better for themselves, God, how I want that feeling for me and my family. I NEED that feeling soon or I will die soon!

I do not contribute to this world in any shape or form! How I wish that I have in some way managed to do something really good to make this world a better place for just one person!

I am nothing more than an amoeba. One that swims in one direction for the benefit of no one and nothing!