Why is it that I always seem to think I am loveable when I am not? Why is it I actually believe ANYTHING EVER gets better for me? Maybe for others, but it never has in 37 years except for brief spurts. But like a shooting star they die out and leave you dark cold and alone. So what is it I am really living for? why bother again? What is there really here for me? It is way too late in the game it seems for anything meaningful. Everytime I think I have even a remote chance the rug is pulled out from under me. It seems like I am powerless to do anything meaningful, at least anytime soon. I need relief now. I really need out now. That is where it stands.
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