I almost can not even explain how I feel. On the inside I feel like compleate chaos. I feel like there is this terrible war going on inside of me but on the outside I just look numb. I must look like the walking dead. It occured to me the other day that I have very little facial expression, my voice is very mono tone and I pretty much just drag myself around. I hate this. I don't feel like this is anyway to live. I think I was turning into an alcoholic for a while... I would drink to feel good... I would drink just to get a break from my thoughts... but now alcohol does nothing. I don't mentally feel any better when I have it anymore. I also turned to sex for a while, but now it's a struggle to even muster up the energy. I feel like nothing helps. Therepy doesn't help, meds don't help... I don't get excited about anything. Every day is the same misrable day.
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Feeling pretty bad today. I'm exhausted in every way. Tired of living this life where nothing changes or gets better despite how much I try. Had a bad life all my life and I'm just tired of being here.