I almost can not even explain how I feel. On the inside I feel like compleate chaos. I feel like there is this terrible war going on inside of me but on the outside I just look numb. I must look like the walking dead. It occured to me the other day that I have very little facial expression, my voice is very mono tone and I pretty much just drag myself around. I hate this. I don't feel like this is anyway to live. I think I was turning into an alcoholic for a while... I would drink to feel good... I would drink just to get a break from my thoughts... but now alcohol does nothing. I don't mentally feel any better when I have it anymore. I also turned to sex for a while, but now it's a struggle to even muster up the energy. I feel like nothing helps. Therepy doesn't help, meds don't help... I don't get excited about anything. Every day is the same misrable day.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??