Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Way out of a living death?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so tired and I cannot see the light...I have no energy to do anything that might make me feel a little better...All I want to do is sleep, and I can't even do that well...Mornings are so awful...The rest of the day is not great, but morning is the darkest, darkest hour...

I wish I could escape the apathy of my household, but I can't swing it financially. My folks are so unhappy themselves. Everything here is falling apart, and they have never done anything to maintain the place. It is as if this house is a reflection of the minds that dwell within it...The creeping odor of mildew from behind the walls makes me feel sick...The giant hole in the floor next to my bathtub allows the musty odors from beneath the house to slip in, the filthy broken countertop tiles and the wires hanging from the porch light fixture divulge the apathy that pervades this space. The yard, gone to seed and piled with broken bits of this and that cry out that these lives have no direction, no plan. I ask, BEG that they tidy up after themselves so that my teenaged daughter can live with some sense of normalcy. They just get angry at me for "nagging"...God help us, I just don't know how to escape this. We haven't had friends for so long because this place is so awful...And all this, living in one of the most affluent suburbs in southern California, makes me feel even more alienated from life around me. Dark and hopeless decay in my life and in my mind plagues me. I don't know where the escape hatch is, and I feel like I am in a living death.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You need to hold it together. There isn't anything so bad as to look at disgust at your house. My house if full of clutter. My parents fight almost everyday. My dad is separated from us. You'll get it together.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know this has to be very depressing. Is there any way you could sit down with them and talk with out them feeling like you are nagging. This can not be healthy for any one.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sun, I understand how depressing you home must be, How awfull not to be able to invite your friends for coffee. Could you make your bedroom brighter? make it a place where you can invite your friends and also be a lovely place for you to retreat to? Please see you doctor, he may be able to give you good advise, put you in touch with help and also prescribe some meds to help while you are getting stronger. (hugs)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately, I have no doctor--no insurance. I am scared to death that something tragic will happen to me in the middle of this darkness, and then I don't know what I will do to survive, because I feel I have nothing but a wire beneath my feet as it is, and the abyss looms all around. Literally, my daughter can't have friends in because the horror and the shame here would be too much. Her little room can be cheerful, but there is still no way to make it to her room without going through the devastating surroundings. My room--it is basically storage at the moment...I sleep on the couch. This sounds so ridiculously hopeless. I can't believe this is my life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
While you may not be able to repair holes in the floors or walls is it possible for you and your teenaged daughter to clean the house up and pick up the trash in the yard? Even if your folks don't pitch in and help, you and your daughter would benefit greatly from your efforts. It would be good therapy for you and your daughter, quality time together as well as a clean place to dwell.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Again, it seems ridiculous, but I have done so much in the past to try to keep this place up. Before I hit this dark and low place, I did a whole lot. It is almost like their biggest effort is in undoing what I have done. When I am up to it, I am a very serious "cleaner". I sweep and scrub and do everything in my power to make things decent. For instance, I organize the fridge and the shelves in the pantry and try to keep them orderly so that things don't go bad and so that we know what we need when we go shopping. I can have the place spic and span and one or the other of them will come along and dump something down the front of the cabinets and not even think about wiping it up. Stuff falls on the floor and stays there. Instead of taking out the trash when the cans are full, they will stack other bags on the floor to fill the whole pantry. A couple of years ago, I cleaned out the garage for them--some 30 years worth of stuff, stacked to the rafters. I rented a huge garbage bin for 400 bucks, did the entire job by myself...I organized all my dads tools, the stored holiday decorations, the gardening supplies...It was miraculous. Within a couple of months, it looked almost as bad as before. They literally UNDO whatever I do to make it better. Inside the house is worse, because they will follow along minutes after I do something and begin turning it upside down again. This is a madhouse.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You sound overwhelmed but it gave me pause when I read about the odor of mildew, you might be ill or developed an allergy that is making you physically ill. Thats not to say you might not also be depressed, given what youve written it sounds as if you are but it could be a combination of things sapping your energy and motivation. Since you have no insurance you should qualify for indigent care either at the Health Department or a local clinic. Please call your Health Department or 2-1-1 and ask for a referral so you can get the help you deserve.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I did see something about mold and mildew, perhaps, being a contributor to depression. I was dysthymic anyway, but I am certain that the mildew doesn't help. It truly makes me feel ill, and the smell is pervasive...I don't know what to do to get away from it though, unless I go live in my car...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Get out of there!!!! You'd be better off living in a shelter! IS there some way you can make your own way in life? You're a great writer - what about trying to write some pieces for the local newspaper?

Also you MUST GET ON MEDICATION - see my other post...
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