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Was he unfaithful?

deleted_user
deleted_user
Just two weeks ago I found and read my husbands IMs that he was exchanging with another girl (a friend of mine who I trusted unconditionally)...supposedly it was all just a crush and lasted for only a couple of weeks...but still, they would tell each other they loved each other and so on...on top of it all, I am six months pregnant with his first baby. I felt like my heart was ripped out...my husband doesnt seem to understand how horribly he had hurt me, this is me being pregnant and he is still able to "play around"like this! The funny thing is that he tries to kinda blame it on me and my stuggles and depression and anxiety. Its so hard and I dont know what to do. I come from the Czech Republic and cant see our baby flying around the world to see his mom and dad. Its not fair towards our son!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Do you feel betrayed? If the answer is yes then you WERE betrayed. And by your friend too. I am soooo sorry that you are feeling this way.

I also think that most people who do something horrible try to blame it on someone else. It is easier to blame your pregnancy than to accept responsibility himself.

I am not sure what you should or shouldn't do but you have every right to feel hurt. What you do with that pain is up to you........just ask yourself if you can forgive him? And will he ever do it (or worse) again?

I wish I had an answer for you.......
Testycatlady
Testycatlady
Some people can be arse holes. He sounds like he is one of those arse holes. So does your so called friend. She should have stayed away from him. Even through the IM service.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry that happened to you. And it's not your fault! Don't let him make you think that. What an asshole! You deserve someone who will treat you right.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He has been totally selfish and you are right to be furious with him, and how dare he try to shift the blame onto you! If it's definately now over, try to mend your relationship but tell him it'll take a long time for him to regain your trust. Keep him on a short leash and make him realise how much what he's done has hurt you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's not YOUR fault, that's just an excuse... sounds like he's blowing it off as nothing hoping you will excuse it as no big deal, too.

That girl is NOT a friend, if you chose to forgive him, forget her! You know your husband, is he one to run around on you or is he kind of dumb to the ways of some women, easily taken in when flirted with?
ZAZAS
ZAZAS
I'd say they were both unfaithful......kinda stupid too. Now, it's up to you, what do you want to do about it. Forgive and forget? Leave? No one can tell you what to do with your heart but you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i have NOT once met a man who didn't blame me when he was wrong - and i say that with strong feelings.

actually, there is a guy who has been talking to me, & he is married, but he didn't confess until just now and I am having issues, b/c i have feelings for him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's something you have to decided for yourselfdoes it matter? Is your love strong enough to overlook it? Some people can deal with things like this, others can't. I'd just say that if the only reason you're staying with him is because of the child, that's probably not a good idea. But if you still love ach other, then maybe you can work things out and give that child a good loving home.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i went through a similar situation. as a matter of fact I am still dealing. He won't change. My kids father blamed his cheating on my pregnancies because I suffered horribly during and after. Sad to say that he cheating didn't stop after I delivered. i wish I had an answer but just know that it's not your fault. People hae their own minds and their own will. He made that decision. Not you. Just don't blame yourself for his shortcoming! Good luck with your pregnancy!
deleted_user
deleted_user
He needs to take responsibility for his behavior. He has no right to accuse you for what he did. That is wrong. Whether the encounter was just text messages or something more, he has broken your trust and needs to step up and regain it. As for the female friend, I would remove her from your life. No real friend would do something like that to you. Friends help you cope with problems, they aren't suppose to create them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Being with a depressed person is certainly a challenge, however, he had choices and he made bad ones. As did your friend.

Sex isn't required for cheating as their is "emotional cheating". Emotional cheating is just as damaging as if they had been have a sexual affair.

I recommend that anyone who has depression and is in a relationship have couples counseling. it won't always avoid these situations -- cause some people will cheat without a reason -- but it can go a long way to reduce the amount of hurt.
deleted_user
deleted_user
So sorry this happened to you. You were betrayed by both; not your fault, not your imagination. He's feeling guilty and doesn't want to face his behavior, so tries to blame it on you. Kind regards.
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