I do not post much these days but as my whole world is in the process of slowly and painfully collapsing I need to post. My girlfriend is leaving me, and is in the process of getting her things together but she is going to be here for another week iwould imagine. I really have to say at this point after living on this earth 37 years that I do not see any real prospects for life to be worth it. I have no job, no car, now no girlfriend, not that she was with me when she WAS with me. Just two years ago I had a job, a life, independence. Now I have nada though at least my friends with whom I live are letting me stay so for that I am beyond grateful. Still the future scares me. At best a minimum wage job where you work till you drop then work some more, while not being able to keep up with much of anything, totally alone in the world. Why would I want to take one step more? What is to make the sun rise in the west and set in the east THIS TIME when for hundreds of millions of years it has faithfully risen in the east and set in the west? Unless I hit the powerball like yesterday I cannot see how throwing more effort at life is going to make this life worth the living. Just because I feel this way does not mean there is nothing that can make it worth it but considering I have been one lonely man most of my life, and now have to endure a week of being with the ex, not to mention what happens after that, which cannot POSSIBLY be good at this point, I cannot see it. I am sure there are those with clear vision who might be able to tell me what I can do to make it all better or at least liveable, short of putting on the same rose colored glasses the world tells us to put on. Yes I must admit, I have not only thought about dying but I do have a way potentially. If I go down that road. But I cannot endure much more. I have not slept in 48 hours and the adrenaline/cortisol rush i seem to have going is likely to keep me up all night again tonight. Those sleeping pills look good. Seriously. At any rate thank you for reading my ramblings. Thak you also for being here and for this site which I know takes tons of effort to run.
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