FFS. One day back and now I'm drowning in a sharp depression that's settled somewhere in my chest, embracing my heart and smothering it like a blanket. I can't help likening it to heart disease where fat settles round the heart. It's not a non-functional depression though, which I suppose should be worse but I don't think it could be. On the contrary, I'd rather do nothing than everything I do be wrong. At the same time thoughts are roving round my head, screaming to the surface and then tumbling back down, only to return shortly. So while I'm feeling my most creative I'm blackened by depression... which blackens my heart, and radiates the hatred I have for everyone around me. I feel so dark it hurts. And now I think this is pretentious bile, but it's the only way I can think to describe how I feel.
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