So it's not going to happen right now. So is that a crisis? I cannot hold a conversation at all. I am in times the mermaid who will ironically drown. On Tuesday when my kids are safe abroad. I have tried to confess this is perhaps not what i want. That it unfinished business from last year. But It seems inevitable. Some wheels in motion that i have no control over. I know I will get up and drive with my kit and will I hate to say die. I cannot stop this? Can i? It has to be before their birthdays , I don't want to hurt them but being alive is worse for them, than me being dead. There are times when one persons demise is for the greater good. I do not wish to post here for seeming weak and pathetic not that any of you are it's just that I like to think I am in total control. i know I may not make sense . perhhaps if you see my journal you may understand but it is not good reading and probably to long . I accept that this is probably it. with love to those who love me . Love to the stars above me. xxx
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