you know i love all of you with all my heart. i have been bad since july 15 of this past year. i am not a lot better. i am trying. trust me i am.. it's just that i feel i have done all i can to be a part of this life. i am not hurting myself. less anyone worry. i will stay here as long as i live. it's just i am not of this world anymore except to help others all i can. i want to do this. it is a mission i feel i have to fulfill. someway i found myself to this place one night and i felt if i could make a small difference in at least one persons life, i would feel happy. i go day to day and try the best i can. i truly love the people here. if anyone rates this creative, you know what, it is creative. it is creative to me that i could find a place to have been shown the love i have here. i was married a lot of years and have 2 grown children. i made him leave after his last affair.. i find myself still able to have a life , but do i want it??? am not sure. can i take the pain of another failure? i don't think so..... i am content to stay here and be alone. it's the best for me really.... i used to be a christian and now i am so far away in some ways, can i ever get back? sat here all night and listened to christian music. touches me as no other. please don't get mad at me if you are not a believer. i still love you. can you love me if i am? i am so mixed up and confused i am not sure of where i am going. i am not a perfect person by any means. i am a failure in many ways. i have never been a failure in my love for others. only a failure to myself... my love for others stands strong, for this i am more than grateful... there are those on here i love as much as if i could have you over tomorrow for dinner. i feel this close to you... you are one more bunch of the most wonderful people in this entire world... yes. depression is a killer. still, it leaves the ability to love, at least for me.... i see the love in others as well.. we are good people.. we have this illness, but we are good people.... we need to believe this.... i love you all with all my heart....
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