Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have been married for almost 18 years and have two teenage girls. I have known for the past 5 years that I was a lesbian and have not been able to \"come out\". I have told my husband and he says, \"No you\'re not\". He has also agreed to \"share\" me and let me live my secret life with other women. I have been doing that for years and have met someone that has given me a new outlook on living as a lesbian. However, I am torn between leaving the comfortable life I live with my girls or coming out and risking lossing their respect and love. I want to live my life for me and be honest with everyone, but can\'t believe that my family will support me. My career has me in the public eye in a city where being a powerful lesbian in not the most accepted thing (Fort Worth, Tx) and I can\'t afford to loss the best career I have ever had. I know I need to be honest with myself, but I can\'t think of lossing the girls.
I attempted suicide 5 years ago after my husband and I separated when this first all came to a boil. We decided to give our marriage another go and to keep the family unit intact for the \"kids sake\". But I have lost me in the process. I hide well as most BiPolar people do and make certain no one sees the part of me that is dying inside. I have started therapy again and have been in for 2 months.
I HATE having to live a life that everyone expects and not living what makes me happy. But if I take that chance to be happy, then I might loose the two most important parts of my life..my kids. And so I stumble in here. Looking for refuge from the dark part of me that feels everything will be fine once I am not torn. Once I am no longer in limbo of who I am and where I will be tomorrow.
Yes, I know the logical things that you will all surely say. But try to step in my shoes for just a bit and really think about my situation. Living in suburbanite Texas where being gay is not really an option; Having a public career that will be hard/impossible to replace; Leaving a stable marriage of 18 years; Lossing the respect of family and friends and possible my kids. When you weigh the pros and cons...they all seem to add up against me. I have struggled for so long, I will soon tire and release the last breath of courage and self respect I will ever have. And I will carry my dreams, my hopes, my love with me.
I attempted suicide 5 years ago after my husband and I separated when this first all came to a boil. We decided to give our marriage another go and to keep the family unit intact for the \"kids sake\". But I have lost me in the process. I hide well as most BiPolar people do and make certain no one sees the part of me that is dying inside. I have started therapy again and have been in for 2 months.
I HATE having to live a life that everyone expects and not living what makes me happy. But if I take that chance to be happy, then I might loose the two most important parts of my life..my kids. And so I stumble in here. Looking for refuge from the dark part of me that feels everything will be fine once I am not torn. Once I am no longer in limbo of who I am and where I will be tomorrow.
Yes, I know the logical things that you will all surely say. But try to step in my shoes for just a bit and really think about my situation. Living in suburbanite Texas where being gay is not really an option; Having a public career that will be hard/impossible to replace; Leaving a stable marriage of 18 years; Lossing the respect of family and friends and possible my kids. When you weigh the pros and cons...they all seem to add up against me. I have struggled for so long, I will soon tire and release the last breath of courage and self respect I will ever have. And I will carry my dreams, my hopes, my love with me.
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I've had a few accounts over the years. I would be having lots of nice connections and feel like its all working and then something would trigger some episode of crazy depresssion and id just stop everything. feel like im doing ok now and just needed to com back to ds. i missed you guys. you spirit and your strength helped me through some very rough times. i just want to let all of you know the...
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
while i can\'t tell you what to do, i did notice that you mentioned something about having a stable marriage. if you had a stable marriage, would you really be questioning your sexuality and what would make you most happy? you are in quite the predicament and that is a hard one to figure out. you really have to be careful i guess and really weigh out what you need to do. having your husband allow you to do what you need to do sexually is a good thing, it allows you to be a part of who you are. i can\'t imagine having to live a secret life as you are though. it has to be so hard on you to do this. never give up though. there is a way to make everything work out and to have things okay. you\'re worth so much more then this problem is and don\'t forget it. if you ever need a friend, i\'m here to listen. ((hugs))
~heather
O.k., yes, your children may be a bit upset and hurt at first if you were to tell them. But one nice thing about children, they still have unconditional love for you, they always have. You taught them that. They might even surprise you and be more supportive than you think.
Second, aside form my children, I wouldn\'t care about the rest of the family, they should love you for the person you are, your feelings toward one or 2 people might have changed, but the family you, daughter, sister, aunt, that hasn\'t changed. If they a have a problem with it, it is their problem. Don\'t make it yours.
Now for work and Texas. Is there a way you can keep your private life out of the \"spotlight\"? Not intermingle the 2? At least for a while?
You are in a tough spot, but you also have the right to be happy, and if she makes you happy, then that is where you should be. Not just 50% of the time, but 100% of the time.
That\'s about all I can come up with. I think you should maybe try to stop wieghing the pros and cons and maybe start figuring out the best way to do this, for your children.
I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.