and I can't stop crying..I'm not sobbing, yet. But I'm just leaking. I've been talking to him everyday this week online and the talks have been almost like the one's we used to have when we were together and everything was good. But tonight he's talking about the house that he bought and how he'll never leave it and this and that. It just hit me that we really are broken up and we aren't ever going to be back together. I truly am alone. I still love him so much that it makes me hurt so much inside. I want us to be back together. I don't feel like I can live without him. I don't want to live without him. I'm so alone out here in the country. I've lived here for a year and still don't know anyone. This is no way to live. So I quess that my time table for my own death is still on. I was such a fool to think that if I did everything that he asked that he really would come back. Stupid, stupid me. I'm even still giving him money. I was supposed to go to a week long course on how to make jewelry and had to cancel it cause he needed money...I'm going to always be alone. How stupid this old woman is to think that he'd ever want me back. I was so happy this week that I even had started to clean my place and was laughing and dancing with my pets and feeling confident and such. What an old fool. Like they say; there's no fool like an old fool. Now I just wish I could stop crying. No one will ever love me again. Why won't he love me. Happy f**king anniversity to me....
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