Tommorow is comming to quickley. I've no idea what to do. The thought of being in that place is killing me inside, but the reality of not being there is going to kill me. I don't want to go, thier going to cut me open. Thier going to try to bring forgoten memories to light, memories that i've kept hidden for so long. The only way i deal is not to think about it, not to face it.........They are going to cut me open, and then send me on my way. They are going to kill me tommrow. I now I'm not going to make it home. thier going to make me lose my shit in the name of healing, then send me to my motorcycle with a stomach full of strange pills and tell me to leave..........There is almost no time left. I cant live with this guilt, and i cant shake the shame. Unless they truly see me tomorow. I'm going to.......I still cant bring myself to say the words that would save me.....death before dishonor.
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Feeling pretty bad today. I'm exhausted in every way. Tired of living this life where nothing changes or gets better despite how much I try. Had a bad life all my life and I'm just tired of being here.