For one reason or another my life has always been a constant struggle. Just when it seems like it getting a little better and i start seeing the light at the end of this cold, dark, lonely tunnel it gets ripped away from me. I always feel like i have to prove that im not a mistake and the more i have it thrown in my face the deeper i slip into the darkness. Some of what were supposed to be happy good days were turned upsidedown cause i was once again reminded that i wasnt wanted.
I thought with the raise i found out i will be getting it would help to make things better and i could start getting ahead. But now mounting car problems and a holiday i just want to skip looming over my head has torn me down once again.
Illness has hit 3 people i love and care about very much and no one is getting better only worse. I cant lose all 3 at once i wont come back from that again. I dont know why it cant get better even for just a little while so i can catch my breath and regroup. I feel like god hates me and just wants me to forever suffer.
The demons have taken hold and the nightmares have begun again. Darkness is my enemy and im so so tired of it all. "Can you hear me screaming for you, im afraid im gonna die down here i need you because no one else can get me out of hell. Im suffocating waiting for you cause the angels dont fly down here. Can you hear me, can you see me, can you save me?"
I have just stumbled across an old response I made on another's post. A month ago I apparently was followed by another who took great offense and more or less implied he believed I was one to simply give up , use mid life crisis as an excuse to do as I please and go off and do my own thing.I was trying to say that may have had something to do with what could have been contributing to the...
Lately I have afraid to go for anything because I fear failure and disappointment. Every now and then I panic, worrying about bad stuff possibly happening. It gets frustrating