I know for most of you, this probably won't matter much. I know that honesty is something I long for in my life. I have told this site a lot that people here with me don't know. I do however have to admit to things if I am to recover fully. So this is very very hard for me to do so I just want to let you all know this is a big deal for me to tell it all. I go out to bars with friends every weekend and get really drunk, sometimes I do drink alone during the week, on occasion (not every day or even every week) I break down and do cocaine (yes i know i was in rehab twice already for this), I have relapsed to anorexia ( I figure if I don't tell anyone then I can hide and get away with it), I still cut but I am trying to stop, and with all of this plus the needless drama with friends, I get why I have had so many breakdowns and I feel like I cannot stop it. I hate myself for all of this which is why I don't admit to it but I know this is supposed to help, although right now I feel like a useless waste that can't seem to get it together.
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