Maybe you have lost interest because you don't really want to do that thesis.....take some time out,,away from all that college stuff and think,,really think about what you want /need , in order to fullfil yourself and your potential,,you are far too young to give up..being stuck in something that gives you no hope or satisfaction is soul destroying and depressing....make the change..xxxx

Do you have family that you can move back in with? These are hard times, and you are not alone in your situation. Please consider taking a breather and getting yourself together.

Many people do not recognize the early signs of depression. It seems there was a lack of enthusiasm for several years. It built to a total lack of interest. You haven't worked on your thesis. Many people would be worried about that, yet you don't even care. I think this last bit proves the depression has settled in for a long stay. You don't say which state you are living in, but they probably have mental health care available for low income people. In a way your current unemployment status could be good for you. It will be easier to get services. Please find out fast before your brain gets so fogged that you cannot function. You can look up county facilities in the phone book. It will either be under Social Services or the County Health Dept. You will tell them you need to come in for an evaluation and they will tell you what information they will need at the first visit.
You may be thinking you can some how get out of this on your own. That is an admiral thought, but it has been building for years.
You must seek help.

Moving home isn't an option for me. It took me until I was 25 to escape and I will never go back under any circumstances. There is no way I, at 27, am going to move back in with my father. I'm enough of a loser already.

I agree with bjork, you seem to be really depressed. Please seek help. Is there any family members that you are close to? A close friend that you can confide in, who will assist you in getting the help you need? What about unemployment benefits?

First of all, you will do yourself very well to stop beating on yourself. When one declares war on theirself, that is serious business. You need to be your very best friend and love you immensely. This is not rocket science ... do two people who don't like each other get along ... hell no, ... so you are not going to have a good life as long as you don't like yourself. Get that fixed as soon as you can; however you can do it. You are a deserving human who makes mistakes ... JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

Second thing .. you are 27. You have had a relativelyh small span of life. You have no idea what you will miss if you kill yourself. That is bullshit ... because even if you don't do a damn thing .. good things will happen to you, unless you kill yourself.

I am going on 63 and you do not know what all lies ahead for you. If you have ever fucked up before, killing yourself would be the biggest mistake you could possibly think of. None of your situation is worth killing yourself over.

First of all, forget the debt for now ... you are not the only student with loan debt you can't pay ... Most can't. Forget it, and tell 'em you will pay it when you can.

Next, get a job .... anything that will keep a roof over your head. Even two jobs if you must. Yep, times are tough, but there are jobs out there, . be a waiter, bar tender, warehouseman, pizza chef, whatever will keep you off the street. For now, these are the only two things you have to do.

Thesis, friends, girlfriend can and WILL come when your barn is not on fire.

I have been homeless, .. you have a motivation problem and might even be justified in having one ... but when you are facing sleeping outside ... you will motivate. Motivate now ... not then.

Go get a job tomorrow ... and if that fails after giving it all you got, go get one the next day ... until you get one. If it is not enough, go get a second one.

You may not know what dispair is until you are dirty, hungry, frightened, and sleeping outside. As for killing yourself ... you might, .. but you might not be able to to that either .. it is not easy ... especially when you don't want to die. You don't want to die ... you just don't want to live .... this way. Get to work on it and do what you have to do to improve your situation. You can do it. Square off at it and get 'er done.

Here is something just for DS newcomers:
http://dailystrength.org/groups/new-to-ds

I thank you all for the advice. But, I've been thinking. Why do all this? What's the point? What is the point of all this suffering and struggle? If I had say, a wife and kids, I would probably stick around. But, I'm alone in this world. I've alienated my friends, I have nothing. Ten years ago, when I was in high school, I told myself not to worry. That high school would be over soon and I would never have to deal with these horrible people again. I told myself I'd meet people in college. Guess what? It turned out that I had to commute daily, and I met no one. Then I told myself I'd meet people in grad school and that maybe I would finally meet a girl. Guess how that turned out? I drove everyone away because I am so messed up. The girl I like ended up going out with a former friend after I told her to make a choice.

So yeah I've been waiting 10 years for good things to start happening. Guess what? They haven't happened yet. Nothing I seem to do matters or changes anything, so why bother?

Definatly a time out from your thesis will help. Maybe it's not the direction that you need to go in. But, think about yourself and your health and your happiness. I hope that everything works out for you. *hugs*

I also thought my life would change when I went to college but 20 years later at 40 I am none the better.

i think you are going through a bout with depression lows are you seeing a doc who can maybe help you figure out why you are feeling like you do maybe some meds may help not to say that meds fix things they dont but they have helped me stablize my moods so that i dont get depressed nearly as much as what i used to nor do i suffer anxiety like i used to suicide is a permanent answer for a temporary loss depression can make you lose interest in everything and make you feel worthless but you have to tell yourself that you are worth this fight and that you are going to keep on fighting it noone ever said life would be easy and depression makes it that much worse but please do not attempt or commit sucicide there are options out there i am not saying that you will feel better in a day but maybe with meds or counseling or therapy you can get through some of this i personally have to take meds but i give alot of my status to God He has given me a new outlook on life He has shown me the things i have to be grateful for and the thigs that i have in my life that i should cherish and i do now i hold them dear and close to my heart some days that is what gets me through my family and my faith in the Lord knowing that tomorrow can be better day if i try when we do wat we cna God will do what we can't but if you need to talk im here and i hope that things turn out for the best for you my thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this rough time hugs

Alright DC. First of all, you are not alone in this world. We are all in it together. The thing is that we just don''t see our value. Whatever you are looking for, my friend, you will find. It is out there, she is out there, we are out here. You want a friend, i'll be one. So will all these other people. We care about each other because we know what is going on in each other's world. We have all been through this stuff.

The thing is that we need more than positivity, more than sympathy and empathy. it is crushing for me to hear you talk about yourself the way you do. You are one of a kind. You are an amazing expression of love.

You know what I think you could do? Forget all this for awhile and try to find someone else to help through their crap. You may not feel like you can give very much, but it doesn't take much. If you bring life to the world in which you live, life will be brought to you. Be the life for someone around you. Get out of the self-centeredness that you are lost in.

If it means anything, I really care about you even though I don't know you. You are a gift from God to our world and I hope that you find that out. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that life is worth the living. Be the life dude. Be the life in your world.

I believe in you. Have an awesome day!

I see that in high school you waited for things to get better. Then in college you waited for things to get better. Once again in grad
school you waited for things to get better.
I do not see at any point that you sought any help for a situation
that you cannot handle without outside help.
You hint at a bad family situation. That has me thinking the depression has been there for a very long time, perhaps all your life.
It has finally reached a point that you must seek help
You are clearly able to work towards a goal and achieve it. Why not apply your efforts towards healing your depression. Give yourself the care that your family should have given you.

dude, heres the thing, you keep on waiting for things to get better, that is something that just wont happen, in fact, they will probably only get worse. you have to MAKE things get better. get up early tomorrow, drink a cup of coffee, and get out there (literally) and fight for a better life. dont pity yourself, prove yourself you have what it takes, if you let life beat you, then you lived in vain.

p.s. i joined this forum just to tell you this ;) fkn fight man! give this bitch life a hard time

DC-

It just doesn't fall into your lap, YOU have to make it happen. How? By giving a damn about you, life and the future. Quit feeding into the negative and focus your attention on the positive. Change your thought patterns ie, stop beating yourself up. When you start taking care of you and find your self worth, everything else will fall into place.

Hugs xxxxxx