When I was younger (starting about 12 and going to 17) I had a huge problem with depression and cutting myself. When I met my husband (huge Optimist) I started finally coming out of the dark but lately I just can\'t get positive. I feel like everything is closing in around me and NO ONE understands. I was sitting here at work just now and my eyes just started welling up. I feel unaccepted by everyone and worst of all by myself. It\'s getting harder to just get up and get dressed to go to work in the morning. I feel like there is just something completely missing. I love my family so much but I feel like I keep getting the short end of the deal...with EVERYTHING. I hate my job because I want to be able to go back and finish school and start a career. I just can\'t even look at myself in the mirror sometimes. I feel like the world is against me. Why is it so hard for me just to be happy. It seems as soon as things start going good something has to happen to set me back even further than where I began. I have started withdrawling myself from everything. I just am filled with this pain all the time. I am constantly exhausted by life. Its like God has it out for me. I see the people around me and how happy and carefree they are, its hard.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...