Is there a connection between depression and memory loss? I remember being abused around the age of 4 but the details escape me. I remember feeling ashamed and dirty. I started masturbating around that time too ...attributed to the abuse I'm guessing( what other child masturbates at 4?!?!) I want to move on, I want to forgive but who, when and why? I remember an older male...friend of the family who love to roll a ball between my legs but the rest....escapes me. I"m so afraid now that I'm a mommy, of forgetting my babies...the way they smelled, the way they smiled...I feel crazy. I can't remember much of my childhood, just fragments...a smell or a picture but not details not actual memories. I remember wanting to die at a young age...I DO remember laying in bed asking God to just take me to just let me go because it hurt so bad...I feel that way now. My depression is in full swing now...I can tell because I'm scared of everything, I'm not dreaming...or really sleeping, and everything either makes me cry or I'm just not affected....very scary.
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