so ive suffered from depression before and seemed to have gotten over it, i put it down to learning about my emotcions as a teenager, january i had a relapse and it returned, thought id kept this thing under control and its come back, though ive been down i didnt think id slip quite this far, years ago i was in hospital alot for taking a number of overdoses, i swear i will never do it again, it tore my family apart, my dad doesnt live with my mum no more, so i try not to think suicidal, but recently it has been tough, i know its not the answer and i know i wont do it, but i shocked myself i was at a festival, got very wrecked and i locked myself in the caravan for hours just couldnt stop crying, couldnt believe i got myself into this state again, i went off my head and i was searching for the painkillers, i think if i found them i would have took them all, but i didnt find them, i suprised myself that when i was so off my head i would actually do something like that, i guess the answer is to not get that messy, but i dont find it that easy. i just cant believe im back in this position where i never thought i would be here again, thought i was wiser but im not at all!
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