I have not been on DS much over the last few years. I have had depression for many years. The last few weeks or so I have been very depressed and I am now constantly thinking about suicide. I obsess with the world around me, how society is changing and feel totally alone. I think people avoid me. I am very scared. Why am I an outcast? Last week I was at work and was shaking and wanting to get home to do it. Very intense feelings. Just tonight I was walking near my home and was not feeling sane, starting to cry and was thinking of jumping off a bridge. No note, just feeling absolute terror and ending it. What's going on? I was on anti-depressants for around a month this last winter. I felt sick taking them and the side effects were bad. That was my first time on them. I don't think I will try them again. The more I research, how we think and our actions are chemically based. This may be part of it. My mind/values/morals/self image is saying this needs to be done and it is right for me. Please help. I have not been this way for a long time and wonder if the last few years were a gift to me and I am overdue to kill myself. Am I crazy? Help Help. Thanks people and take care.
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