I am still struggling after a very long week, Monday I OD'd and was in ER dont remember what put me over the edge but I was told a few minutes longer to call 911 and that would have been it...I am still here, thank God and my girls still have thier mother, I love them but dont know how to be there for them, I started a new job and thought that would give me a sense of purpose after a few years of doing nothing but I still feel the emptiness, and am very scared cause my actions were so impulsive I dont rmember what made me take that final step. I am scared It will happen again. Need some help from anyone who has come that close, was it pure sanity and uncontrollable impulse? I have a safety contract with loved ones but still worry if I can honor it. I am so confused I cant stand it! Dont want to bring down discussion but I need HELP from anyone who understands how all this effects any hope of rational thought.....I want to get me will to live back but I dont know what is real anymore! I hate who I have become and am so scared that person will take over again.
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