is change scary?

We are all depressed for different reasons; some complex reasons, other reasons could be just chemical imbalance or mood disorders.
but I won't generalise, theres obviously more to it. but do you get comfortable in your depression? is change so scary? is it because you dont want to get dissapointed all over again?
I found my reasons other than past issues to keep being the way I was is because i wasnt prepared to
A accept myself or change
B believe in myself to change
C believe that things will change
D believe in others to see me change
E believe I deserved to accept myself
F in a way, i was comfortable

Ok so i am a long shot from being Mrs perfect and finding the absolute balance in life, but i learnt some key things which got me out of the pits... I am still numb and lost, I still get scared and anxious but its HOW i deal with that which has shown some improvement.

I used to think that routines were boring, and had nothing to do with emotional well-being - ok well they don't, but all they are is a tool, a tool to finding yourself and being healthy enough just about to know how you will deal with your issues. I felt trapped, I felt like I didnt deserve to get better but then I realised maybe I am only thinking that -because- I am depressed so its a catch 22.

Once I started to make myself do things, and go on auto-pilot (aka sleeping and eating more for example) I began to think straighter, see things clearer... My problems as it were, arent going to go away, not for years and I know this, but my advice is if you embrace that rather than feel ashamed for feeling down,

you can change.

I want to feel hurt now, because grieving is a multi-facited thing, it goes for all of us in different ways. we all need to grieve; and once you start to feel really angry again, or really tearful, or express any other emotions you can release whats holding you back - and your depression is one of those things.

I don't know where i am going in life, not for sure but none of us do. All I can say is keep going, keep surviving because we all know that the only reason you havent commited suicide yet is because you are hoping that one day, theres gonna be a sign which tells you things are looking up - but absolutely nothing is going to get better substancially unless you do your share as well.

So whats your excuse? its ok we can have one, but we dont always need one. And sometimes there isnt one. but as I said you are here, you are alive and you have two choices now

live and wait to die.

or change and live, and even better be the change you want to see in the world.

I didnt write this to prove I am any better, I wrote this to give you hope, to tell you that things CAN jump on that road to recovery.

Embrace who you are for better or for worse, and be realistic about yourself.
no one is superhuman...

good luck peops