Everything I know about Mental Health and being in the system for so many years, Tells me that if a person has a history of having major depression and of being suicidal, That the LAST thing the "Pofessional" community should do is to ignore that person, and act as though they never existed. And to refuse to call that person even if the persons family requested it because they were so worried. But, That is exactly what is happening. I know it sounds like total Bullshit. But I swear to God, that is what is happening. My family who I never even see tried to get me help. But not one person called, even after they told my family they would. I didn't want my family to call. And I don't want to force anyone to talk to me, that is why I have not called myself. I have called the crisis lines a few times, and they seem just as confused as I am. At least the ones who listened to me. I really do feel like a total freak. Mental Health don't abandon people ??? I am a Monster to them. I know I have done some pretty bad things. But even I don't deserve this. I can't bring myself to show my face in public at all anymore. They know this. They also know that I don't want to be here. I am only here for my kids. So this tells me that either they think I am full of shit, or they WANT me to die. Probably both. I guess it's a good thing that I am not here for them. I do feel however that I deserve at least five minutes of hearing streight from them why they are taking the action -or lack ther of- that they are taking. It is impossible for me to understand without haring it from them. But they don't care. They just want me to go away. It still hurts very deeply to have these people who I have had a good relatioship with, or so I thought, for so many years turn there backs on me. But now I am just getting pissed off. I really do undersand now why people would want to take a gun to work. I could never do something like that, but now I can understand how someone could be pushed that far. I have only been in this possition for a few months. If someone lived with this kind of hostility their whole lives I can only imagine. Makes me look at things a little differently. The support and caring I have had on this site is so different from what is in my life outside of "cyberspace" at the moment. And although it lets me know that I'm not the only one out there who feels so badly. It makes me a little sad to know that in one sense we are still so alone. It's like we are all similar drops of watter in totally different rivers. I don't even understand what I meant by that. The days without sleep are taking it's toll. Anyway, thank you all for being here.
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