broke up w/ Brian - i will never have a long term relationship w/ anyone....i am not worth having anyway....all i do is hurt people...i have seen so much that i don't know how to handle the things that happen in my daily life...the arguments with my grandmother and the emotions that i am not allowed to express so they build and build til i cant handle them and they come out in dangerous ways...im hanging by a thread...everyday i am hanging onto life my short threads and i don't know how much longer i can stay and be able to cope with the way i feel....the anger and hatred i have for myself is eating away at me.....there is nothing inside but each day i feel less and less needed, and more worthless to the world around me...i guess i had a lot of choices of what to do back when all this started but now i have made all the wrong ones without the guidance of my mom or dad...ive spiraled down into a deep black bottomless whole where there isnt any light, just darkness, pain, suffering, torment, betrayal, anger, self hatred, violence and death.....those things make up who i am....and someone like that cant survive....
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