Well it was yet again another lonely day without my husband. He came home monday from working a 24 hour shift. He stayed up for a little bit then laid down about an hour before dinner. He woke up ate and went back to bed. He woke up at eight yesterday morning long enough for me to go to my therapy and come home at 10:15 then went back to bed and slept until three. He got up watched me work in the yard and played on the computer. We at dinner together bathed the kids and put them to bed. After they were in bed he left to go hang out at the fire house. He still wasnt home at 12:30 when I went to bed. I got up this morning got his kids ready for school put them on the bus and started the rest of my day. I tried to wake him up at 10:30 and he said he wanted to get up at 12:30. So I got his twin daughters off the bus at 11:00 fed them lunch all the while taking care of my kids too and my niece. Finnaly got him up and I had to get him coffee and it took him until after one to really get up and start moving. The kids get out of school two hours early every wed. So at 2:00 I had to get them from the bus. He left at 4:00 to take a pumps class at his work for the new fire trucks. So I took care of my kids and his kids yet again. I made dinner and all that fun stuff. My daughter still has a fever so she is whiney. My son was throwing temper tantrums for no reason again. He got mad cause I wouldnt let him have my cell phone when I went to take a pic of him being cute. My husband got back home from class at 8:30. He headed off to the bathroom. I got the kids ready for bed. He got on the internet and was looking at his firehouses website. We got the kids into bed. I told him I was going to do dishes and mop up the mess from dinner on the floor from the baby throwing his food. He said im going to the fire house for a little while. Who knows when he is going to get home. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I just want him to spend time with me. He said he would tommorow then I asked if it was only because of our nieces birthday party tommorow night. He said no and I stayed home monday night. Yeah he stayed home monday night but he slept the whole time. I am just so frustrated and hurt. I am tired of being alone. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. I dont know if I should have brought all this up here but my friends are getting tired of hearing about it. We have talked about seperating during the many times he has looked at me and put me down or the many times he has told me he wants a divorce and cant stand to be around me. I just cant leave yet. I have no job and cant really get one right now not with my hysterectomy coming up at the beggining of May so I cant leave because I have no money. But thats what my friends keep telling me to do. My husband has also told me he is going to take custody of our son away from me if we split up. I cant lose my son. He has never really had anything to do with the boy anyway. Just the fun stuff like playing but thats if hes even around to do that. I just dont know what to do anymore. I hate hurting I hate feeling rejected. Please tell me what I should do. And please no arguing and fighting :) I have enough of that at home.
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