I'm constantly buckling and breaking from my depression and anger. Only to rebuild at the end of the day. I have Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, and severe ADHD. I had my first suicide attempt at 12 and was hospitalized twice in my life. Once at 17 and at 21 for suicidal ideation. My life is hell. I'm lonely all day and have no social support system. I spend all day wanting to die. Or even kill others. My stepfather has nothing but contempt from me. He is abusive and I absolutely hate him. Every time I look at him I just feel an absolute urge to murder him for revenge on every time he's abused and bullied me.
Mental health treatment has had very little effect in my life. Five therapists, four psychiatrists, two social workers, ten medications and two hospital stays have done pretty much nothing.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I don't know why I should bother to keep going. After 11 years of living this way I just want to be dead and gone.
It's hard to ask for encouragement but here I am. I've battled depression and anxiety for years. These past 2 years have been a really prolonged bad spell. Today is one of those days, I'm just tired. Tired of battling. And my mountain today? Just trying to make myself get to the grocery store. We need food in the house. I just want to want to live. For simple things to not be monumental tasks...
There really is no reason for me to be here. I was a mistake from the beginning. I have told family members (since I have no one else) that I want to kill myself,and the response was to ignore it,and stay away from me. My mom told me "I'm hard to be around". I'm out in the middle of nowhere,living with my parents,and I'm 53 years old! My sister just dumped me..because I was sad. So I'm...