I had a really good friend online for almost a year and have totally botched it up. He has been a closer friend to me than anyone in real life. I texted him and his wife saw it and freaked so we cant chat anymore, which we used to do for hours every day, plus email several times. We talk on the phone occasionally but I'm one of these weird non-phone peeps most of the time so I'm not really myself on the phone. I am depressed because (a) I caused problems for him (b) I cant chat with him and (c) i dont feel it's as big a loss for him as it is for me. I guess (c) is the one that I cant get over. You know when you meet someone and you just click as friends and figure the feeling is mutual... i thought it was but I dont think it is anymore and that's making me wonder if it ever was. I only get email from him now when I send some... I'd be happy with a "hi" once a day... that's it, just HI at random. Even when I have nothing to say, I'll email because I dont want him to think I'm not thinking about him. Part of me is saying "OMG girl! How stupid can you be... get over it. He obviously doesnt miss the friendship you had as much as you so get on with life." The other part is saying... "take what you get from peeps and stop expecting more than you get or as much as you give because you'll never ever get it." The guilt I feel for causing problems is hard to deal with as well... but the way I feel every day when there's not even a hi... well that's really depressing me. I think I do expect a lot from peeps but I give a lot too dammit! I'm afraid I'll just say screw it soon and lose another friend completely, rather than keep feeling soooo down. I'm at the point where I almost feel like I'm bothering him, but I'd hate to have him think I'm not thinking about him. I'm at the pc most of the time whether working or whatever, so it's hard not to look for email... yet its so depressing when there is none. grrrrrr I'm feeling like such a loser! I hate not being in control of parts of my life.
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