why do you feel guilty because his cancer was further advanced. I realize that there is alot more to this than I am getting. Grief is hard to deal with, we all feel guilt concerning the passing of a loved one, who could I have done, why didn't I do this, that or more? Have you tried getting help to deal with your grief?

i am so so sorry. he had cancer - u have nothing 2 feel guilty over, its an evil illness and u dont deserve 2 be feeling so low.xx

I got angry the last time someone made me feel that way. Thats working so far but I wouldn't recommend it and that was different. I wish I knew what to tell ya, hope you feel better soon x

yeh, you felt guilt before, but what about now that you know more of the story.

I didn't know.. he didnt tell me .. I have been living with his guilt for 4-1/2 years.. I didn't know he had brain cancer until tonight

how did u think he died ? if u dont mind me asking that is xx

bump

I thought he died because I didn't save him.. I have nightmares .. me with a axe & him begging for his life.

but how were u meant 2 save him ? and shouldnt u feel slightly relieved now u know it was cancer ? i mean its still awful but u know u dont have 2 feel guilty anymore xx

how did he actually die ?xx

Honey, you did nothing to feel guilty for, neither back then nor now. Maybe he didn't want you to know back then because he wanted to have the best time left to him and not worry you. I don't know what was in his mind, but I knw you cared for him and carried this guilt for too long. He didn't die because of you, he died because he was sick.

I was talking with someone else on here earlier today, about displaced guilt --
it is the same thing children feel when their parents get a divorce.

The reason we (and I mean me, too) feel that way, is because if we were somehow at fault, we could have done something to prevent it....and in the case of children in a divorce, if they feel that way, and they often do, then they also have the feeling they still have some kind of control over being able to fix it by changing their behavior.

But the truth is, they can't and neither can we.

If you can embrace that truth and accept it, then you will also be able to let go and move on with your life. Otherwise, you will stay stuck where you are in your grief, and not get through it.

I thought it was his disease... he never saw a doc til I asked.. he'd be alive if I asked... after talking her to her, I found out he hand cancer of the brain

But you did ask, and he did see a doctor. So, you did all you had power to do.

A disease took your boyfriend, not you. Make peace with yourself so that you can again enjoy your happy memories of you and him together.

I don't know how.. I feel so lost... so gulty ... been with this guilt for 5-1/2 years.. .been wioth guilt for most of my life.. .how do I make it stop.. councellor wont' call me back... I called in Oct.. no reply