I've been a DS member for over 10 years. I will give you a short history of my medical situation so you have a better idea of what I am dealing with.
I was diagnosed with CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) in 2007. In 2010 I received my first ICD implant. I'm on many medications for the CHF in conjunction with the ICD. I am on my 4th ICD. Recently (December 2018-January 2019) was hospitalized with a Staph A infection.
I have also been diagnosed with congenital heart disease, cardiomyopathy, chronic kidney disease (mild), depression, anxiety, PTSD due to incidents from my ICD, am post gastric bypass, and was diagnosed as being bipolar.
In October, November, and December of 2018 I underwent 12 ECT treatments. My psychiatrist and I decided that meds were not helping enough & I was getting so bad to where I was thinking about suicide more frequently. No intent or plan but contemplated doing it. Then I had to discontinue my ECT due to my heart issues. By end of February, the heart issues were resolved and mentally I was feeling better. Saw the psychiatrist in March and we decided no more ECT and to keep my meds where they were at.
I also see a therapist for "talk" therapy. I don't think he is helping because he always ends up doing most of the talking & I don't think our personalities mesh well. I'm going to request to see a female therapist instead.
Fast forward to now...today. Since mid last week, the crying spells started again. Then the reduced appetite followed along with insomnia. Most days I don't get out of my night clothes & I cry multiple times for no reason at all. I have no interest in anything. I sit staring at the tv without focusing. Interest in hobbies...forget it. Interest in gettting outside...no way. I've basically gone on auto pilot. I'm alone every weekday as my husband is at work. I do have 2 dogs for company but it just isn't the same as having another person for company. I only get out of bed because of the need to care for the dogs and to take my medications.
I called the psychiatrist's office last week. His nurse has me starting with the approval procedure for getting ECT again. They asked if I wanted to try a different med but with all the other ones I am on for my depression (Bupropion & Sertraline) and my many heart meds...drug interactions are a major complication.
I'm lost. I'm finding myself to be in such a dark place. The hope I had of getting better and becoming stable is fading away quickly. I don't have anyone to talk to besides my therapist. No friends and my family members don't understand. My husband has lost all patience with me and resented having to take time off from work to take me to ECT. When I told him I was going to be starting up with ECT again, he rolled his eyes and said "great, more vacation time I have to use." Just hearing him say that made me feel so small and as though everything is/was my fault. I'm getting to the point of where I wonder why I am still here.
King Jesus has broken our chains !Try not to listen to the lies of the devil(World) because JESUS died for us so that we could live in eternal Glory .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgsbaBIaoVc