Hi I'm coming to visit because I am finding myself in the pits again. I should be feeling better but I'm not.
I have been spending more time in the Alcoholism page because I quit drinking in February. I have successfully stayed sober. I woke up one morning to a suicide note I wrote the night before while highly intoxicated. I saw my life going completely down the tubes. I was 70 pounds overweight, unemployed and not looking, drinking heavily, in a relationship with a man that didn't love me, and suicidal.
I ended a five year relationship and started a new job about a month after I stopped drinking. I felt pretty good until about a month ago. I had put myself out there too soon and got rejected and it has sent me into a tailspin. I've stopped caring for my home and it's a mess. I've no motivation to do anything I love. I fired my AA sponsor because she couldn't tolerate my depression and be supportive. I felt she was insensitive and judgmental. I got myself to the doctor and counselor and started a new med but it's not helping. If anything I feel worse. I haven't made it out of bed today and it's noon. I'm saying it's ok. It's ok as long as I can still work and I make sure to take care of my animals and feed myself . So what if the plants die? And so what if my house is a mess? I'll get around to it eventually.
I have no appetite and no interest in even watching TV. I'm bored and lonely. And I sound pathetic. I wouldn't want to be around me if I was someone else. I've been faking it. I have lost friendships because of this so I just keep it to myself. Everyone has their shit and they certainly don't need mine too.
so today I sleep , all four of my fur family are in bed with me and I'm saying it's ok. I am so effing sad but right now this is what I need. Their warm bodies make me feel loved and cared for.
i rarely get suicidal thoughts but today i had a big realization that im going to be trapped in addiction until im able to tell someone i trust in real life, this is a huge problem for me because i dont have anyone i fully trust in real life with my very personal secrets, and im also too scared(which is an understatement) to tell anyone in real life. so i feel like im stuck and trapped and im...
I'm still totally lonely. When I was young, I thought it would change. It almost never has. I used to believe that good would win. I've almost never seen that happen. People say they're good. But they're really evil. They just usee the twisted language of religion to rationalize their wickedness. Bad people have good lives. Good people have bad lives. I have a negative attitude because people...