I'm quite terrified of posting about this, so please, be patient with me.

I'm mostly off of my antidepressants now (still have some withdrawal symptoms though). My hope is that I'll be able to cope with things by using what I've learned over the last two years in therapy; and, for the most part, it's going well.

While on the medication, one of the side effects was actually helpful to my marriage - the lowered libido. My wife (and no matter what I say here, please know that she's a fantastic person!) has always had far less need for intimacy than I have (and I mean intimacy, not just sex). She's very confident in herself and extremely independent. I, on the other hand, am not. I have this constant need to feel needed and loved. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a co-dependancy issue, as I'm quite capable of taking care of myself, but without physical contact and regular moments of emotional intimacy, I feel like I'm starving for it.

So, here's something that happened last night, and I only bring it up since it's a somewhat regular occurrence in our marriage: We're watching a movie. I rarely care what movie it is, as I'm mostly watching for the opportunity to snuggle on the couch. As is usual, she feels the need to be productive and/or busy, so she finds something to work on while watching (sometimes work, other times a crafty thing). Last night, it was decorating some more pumpkins for Halloween. We get through the movie with a few pauses when she wanted my help with something, like carrying the pumpkins downstairs. I'm glad we have a couple more pumpkins out on the porch for the holiday, but feel let down about the snuggling.

So, the movie is over, and we're off to bed. Once again, I want to be intimate, this time more physically than the last. I start out really slow, touching her hair and maybe her face, and then go to kiss her. She then pushes me away hard with her forearm and quite abruptly says, "No thank you!" At that point I felt so rejected that all I could do was roll over away from her and silently pout. About half an hour later, she says she's sorry and offers me a quickie (which was the last thing I wanted, and therefore turned it down). This feeling of rejection carried on till morning, at which point it turned into depression, feeling like I was in a loveless marriage. I don't want out of the marriage (as I really do love my wife and son), and yet, I'm miserable in it, feeling like I can't have anyone to be intimate with.

We've tried couples counseling before (mixed in with a bunch of my therapy). I'd like to blame it on the fact that I'm not on medication anymore, but what's wrong with wanting to be intimate? For that matter, what's wrong with wanting sex? I've gone through all the steps of blaming myself, along with the possibilities that she's grossed out from the weight I've put on from the medication (although this was happening before that), or that I simply don't know what I'm doing when it comes to sex. Sometimes I want to blame our upbringing, as we were both raised in very strict, religious homes where sex was never spoken about except in context of it being a sin. Which is also why I'm posting here, as I really don't have anyone to turn to.

My question is, what do/can I do? I'm not looking to change her, just me. I'm looking for a way to cope and deal with this need of mine.