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Ok so just to let you al know everything went fine at work, in fact they wouldn't even let me stay to clear the left overs on my desk from yesterday, so I was panicking over nothing. Which I tend to do alot anyway. Only thing is though, now that I'm home. I've got alot of time to reflect and think about things and I don't think it's helping...
I will go into detail, I'm sorry if this turns into an essay. LoL.
Reflection on my behaviour at the doctors. I booked this appointment on Monday for Wednesday, as my mother had advised me this was her half day and she was the one that suggested going to the docs, getting help etc etc and she would go with me. Monday night she tells me that she ednesday she is babysitting my nephew, I said fine but don't forget about the doctors, she said he'll come with us.I was like no way. During the last 10 weeks now, I have not asked my mother for ANYTHING. Ok except a couple of sleeping pills, but that isn't much now is it? She said ok, she would rearrange to have him dropped off later. Then comes Wednesday, I go straight to the GPs from work and she was going to meet me there. Guess who she shows up with.
I said don't bother coming in. Go back home I dont wanna know I'll do it on my own. She said don't be such a spoilt brat. I said I thought this ONE time I would have a right to say that's what I want, I thought this was going to be about getting me help. But instead she was just stressing me out even more. She called my boyfriend, I told him not to leave and for her to go, he wasn't going to leave me, she wasn't going so there we all were including my nephew sat in the waiting room. When I'm called I dont even bother arguing with her for to come in. When we get in there, I let her take the floor and speak to the doc. She's putting it down to hormones. AGAIN. She did say 'Yes she's depressed with everything that has gone on, but I think a big part of it is her hormones' I couldnt believe after the amount of times I have broken down in front of her now and explained that most nights I cry myself to sleep that she only ever sees the smiley happy me until it gets too much because I wanted everyone to think I was ok but Im not and Im sick of it. I don't wanna be like this anymore. I can't keep getting knocked down every ten minutes. Then the doctor asked me about meds I had had about 6 years ago, my mother had already explained that I tried to OD on them but still she asks, how were you on thoose? Whatever. I had to relive everything and for what, counselling which has never helped me, it didn't help me in school and most of the time just stressed me out worst and two weeks off work where Im begining to think I can't trust myself alone in the house. On my way home, I've spent money I dont have so that I can keep myself busy by making dinner and cakes. But panic is setting and fast...
ANNNNYWAAAAY Theeeeeen my mother turns around and says 'And now she's startig to direct it at me and I just can't cope anymore, I'm beginging to lose my temper' so this whole appointment was never about me. It was never about getting me help,m it was about getting her help so she could try and deal with me... Anything to make it fucking easier for herself. All I asked in the first place was for her not to bring my Co-Co (my nickname for him) with her to the doctors, so that it would be strictly about what was going on, no distractions nothing.
But noo she went completley against me. Then she's putting it down to hormones. I don't know how many more times I can explain it to her. I really don't. She says she's been there and she understands, then why is it she says she's going to support me and back me up with the doctors (Mine's an ass like that and you need two voices to be heard sort of thing) She puts it all down to hormones. Oh and apparently, I dont deal with death well..... Who does ffs?
I will go into detail, I'm sorry if this turns into an essay. LoL.
Reflection on my behaviour at the doctors. I booked this appointment on Monday for Wednesday, as my mother had advised me this was her half day and she was the one that suggested going to the docs, getting help etc etc and she would go with me. Monday night she tells me that she ednesday she is babysitting my nephew, I said fine but don't forget about the doctors, she said he'll come with us.I was like no way. During the last 10 weeks now, I have not asked my mother for ANYTHING. Ok except a couple of sleeping pills, but that isn't much now is it? She said ok, she would rearrange to have him dropped off later. Then comes Wednesday, I go straight to the GPs from work and she was going to meet me there. Guess who she shows up with.
I said don't bother coming in. Go back home I dont wanna know I'll do it on my own. She said don't be such a spoilt brat. I said I thought this ONE time I would have a right to say that's what I want, I thought this was going to be about getting me help. But instead she was just stressing me out even more. She called my boyfriend, I told him not to leave and for her to go, he wasn't going to leave me, she wasn't going so there we all were including my nephew sat in the waiting room. When I'm called I dont even bother arguing with her for to come in. When we get in there, I let her take the floor and speak to the doc. She's putting it down to hormones. AGAIN. She did say 'Yes she's depressed with everything that has gone on, but I think a big part of it is her hormones' I couldnt believe after the amount of times I have broken down in front of her now and explained that most nights I cry myself to sleep that she only ever sees the smiley happy me until it gets too much because I wanted everyone to think I was ok but Im not and Im sick of it. I don't wanna be like this anymore. I can't keep getting knocked down every ten minutes. Then the doctor asked me about meds I had had about 6 years ago, my mother had already explained that I tried to OD on them but still she asks, how were you on thoose? Whatever. I had to relive everything and for what, counselling which has never helped me, it didn't help me in school and most of the time just stressed me out worst and two weeks off work where Im begining to think I can't trust myself alone in the house. On my way home, I've spent money I dont have so that I can keep myself busy by making dinner and cakes. But panic is setting and fast...
ANNNNYWAAAAY Theeeeeen my mother turns around and says 'And now she's startig to direct it at me and I just can't cope anymore, I'm beginging to lose my temper' so this whole appointment was never about me. It was never about getting me help,m it was about getting her help so she could try and deal with me... Anything to make it fucking easier for herself. All I asked in the first place was for her not to bring my Co-Co (my nickname for him) with her to the doctors, so that it would be strictly about what was going on, no distractions nothing.
But noo she went completley against me. Then she's putting it down to hormones. I don't know how many more times I can explain it to her. I really don't. She says she's been there and she understands, then why is it she says she's going to support me and back me up with the doctors (Mine's an ass like that and you need two voices to be heard sort of thing) She puts it all down to hormones. Oh and apparently, I dont deal with death well..... Who does ffs?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
far as your doc goes, there a better one you can see? she seems kinda callus and unable to realise that she needs to talk to you on your own to get to the root of the problem... meh thats docs for ya i guess, some are great, some suck.... i know a couple of both kinds heh
But speaking honestly I would say it did sound a little brattish of you, sounds like your Mom offered to go with you and support you but then you got in this big huff about her bringing your nephew that she was babysitting? I know she offered to rearrange the babysitting thing but to over-react like that?
Perhaps (and this is only something worth considering) that your Mom IS only human and WAS looking for help to cope with your condition from the doctor.
It doesn't sound like she was trying to take the attention away from you but more that she was asking the doctor how to help with your condition.
And maybe, JUST maybe your condition IS worsened by hormones.
I would suggest having a quiet half an hour to reflect on the appointment, talk to your Mom about it, and find out what it was that she was trying to get from the Doc to, perhaps both of you can work something out. After all, it sounds like shes desperate to help you.
Finally if you don't believe the Doctor really dealt with the appointment in a way that you are satisfied with, you can always ask for see a different doctor.