I do not feel depressed, but I feel an inordinate amount of anger, especially when the holidays come up. I had met my parents for coffee this week, had not seen them in about a year, and when they asked me if I was coming for the holidays I said no. They have, with other members of my family, been severely abusive. I am so relieved but the thought of going over there at all made me enraged when I thought about it.
Believe it or not, my own brother stalks me sometimes. I have seen him driving about my neigborhood when I try to take walks. I have seen him on my route to work. Today I wanted to take a walk, then got really depressed when I realized I better not leave the house otherwise he might be out there-so I have to drive to the park instead. It's really messed up.
A person I used to be friends with (and don't want to see anymore) contacted me today after two years. She's insisting that I get together with them. I don't want to. She tries to manipulate the situation because I used to live with her about five years ago. She puts on a guilt trip. Today she asked me for my telephone number via facebook and I gave it because I didn't want to be an ***hole, but I don't plan to answer the phone when she calls tomorrow. I have such an amazing amount of resentment because she dumped me as a friend before and humiliated me in front of other people. What I really want to say when she calls (actually she has her brother call for her cause she cant' be bothered) I want to say, don't call me again, don't call me anymore. Get out of my life b****. Does anyone ever feel strongarmed or forced into relationshps? I hate it. I hate stalkers, I hate two faced people, I hate bullies who hit people, and most of all I hate it when people think they can fu** you over and that you want to come back for more, as though you would care.
It's been nearly five months since my wife moved out, nearly three since any employment prospects dried up, and two since the entire world went into isolation. At 51, this is the most difficult time I've ever experianced in life. I'm completely and totally alone, and the worst part about it is that I feel powerless to pull myself out of it. I would love to go to work everyday and socialize with...
I keep on ruminating on past things. It happens more in times of mental inactivity meaning it's been in overdrive during this lockdown. I keep on thinking back to embarassing interactions/situations. I am not good with socialising and have been in many an awkward situation because of it. A lot of these things are very minor and are things which most normal people would easily disregard or even...