i have been having worse thoughts, then i had before i started taking it and talking to people don't really help either. people sharing their problems with me, is what got me into this depression in the first place. so being around people in my situation doesn't help... i was born with a caring heart.. but i cannot save the world... i can't even save myself right now.. all i know is i make people feel comfortable enough to share their darkest secretes and i don't know how to make them stop. i know what it's like to "need" somebody to care. i can't do unto others what people do unto me. i feel i have to care because nobody else will...

plus those trying to help, really can't help me. i have a hunger 99% can't do anything about... i am starving for affection, but can't feed it.. neither can anybody i know. i am a 100% giver. i don't know how to take anything, from anybody.. so as you can guess, i am not that attractive to women. i am just their best pal, which honestly sucks.. they just remind me how empty i am inside...

my biggest problem is i do not know how to be selfish... i am a door mat for everybody that crosses my path.. to me winning isn't crossing the line first. i'd rather lose a race to help somebody finish.. thats just the way i have always been.. i am sick of being alone, but i do not know how to take anything from someone. any gal i like, i want to see live a better life then she could ever have with me. so i don't push to get to know them or give them much a chance to know me. i am self destructive in that sense.. i am always thinking of others.. how in the hell do i start thinking of me??