Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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deleted_user
deleted_user
I am having a very difficult time today. Three days ago, my ex husband passed away. He was pretty young 48. He had a terminal brain tumor. We have a child together.
He was very abusive. I wished him dead many times. He kidnapped our child TWICE, and the second time, took her out of state. It took me months to get her back. He was a horrible human being.
I was with him when he took his last breath. Our daughter was there as well. I provided comfort care for him, it was so weird to do that.
I have had depression for about a year and a half as well as ptsd. not only from my 13 years of hell from him, but also because of my father who also was extremely abusive.
i have had night terrors for the last week and a half. I cannot sleep at all.
i feel sick. i feel guilty for wishing him dead. i am so tired. i was feeling suicidal today, that has passed.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you may have wished him dead at one time but the true YOU came out when you cared for him in his last hours. Someone who really felt hate toward him would not have cared for him up to his dying breath. You are a good, kind and specail person. Take some time to meditate and aske the powers that be to take the guilt away..........you have to throw it out the door.
Make a note for your mirror that say you are good, special, kind and free of guilt. Look at this every day and it will help change your way of thinking.
Hugz, love and support
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry for the loss- regardless of how you felt about him, you should have a clear conscience because in the end you put all that aside and became the bigger person. Your child is lucky to have you as a mother.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Amen hd226! very well stated.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it's normal to grieve when an ex passes away. You grieve not so much for the person, but for the relationship you once had, or the relationship you wanted it to be, the hopes and plans and dreams that didn't come true. And when you have a child with that person, you also grieve for the child's loss of a parent. Maybe on some level, you also feel as though you somehow contributed to his death, because you wished for it? If that were possible, there would be a lot fewer people in the world! But I don't think you actually wanted him dead, you wanted the pain he caused you to die. He hurt you very badly, he caused you enourmous problems, you wanted him to disappear and take all the crap with him...you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel that way. Try not to feel quilty. You KNOW you didn't cause him to die because you wished he would. You have nothing to feel quilty about. Allow yourself to grieve for what you and your daughter have lost. It's natural.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If he was a terrible person in life there is no need to feel guilty. His death has nothing to do w/ your wishes. Do not feel any guilt about this because I'm sure the you felt enough of that when you we married. When in an abusive marriage the abuser often tries to make you feel guilty like if the abuse that they inflict on you is some how you're fault. He stole your joy in life. Do not also let him steal it in death. You did more than he deserved.Being there as he died. Be free of this. This is not your burden to carry. Lay it down.
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