the ex called awhile ago and as usual left me feeling pretty shitty...sorry about the potty mouth...I am just so pissed that he has the ability to make me feel so vulnerable...said he's having a hard time with seeing his son...said he feels guilty...well,he SHOULD! He left the most beautiful 2 yr old little boy....and hasn't even stopped to see him in 2 weeks.I'm not sure if it's because of me....he feels guilty because he broke my heart and my life and my home up? or if he just can't face that little boy knowing he just left him....i'm not sure...i'm not sure of anything anymore...except I know I hurt....God I hurt so bad....I fell from a second story window before & it didn't hurt like this....i wanna be numb...I want all the pain and rage and everything to just subside for a minute...people say it's not the end of the world....but it was....MY world. It all comes crashing down each and every morning I wake up alone....for the first time in a long time i just wanna curl up & die.....i won't because of my son,he is the ONLY thing keeping me remotely sane...but i want these feelings to go away.....maybe it would be easier if i knew the ex wasn't sick(OCD,tourrets,bipolar)? or maybe if he would say he hates me or something else mean....but he always says"you are a good woman,you know that right?" or "i am missing you and Tyler like crazy"....then come home for God sake! I'm just not sure how much more I can endure? please pray for me...that my strength holds out....i've been suffering fom depression now for a long time and haven't felt like this....i'm not sure how much longer i can take the pain....
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