i think you should seek professional help since you are struggling so much with bad thoughts....hang in there and don't give up....thanks for sharing your heart and soul today...

I am not sure if my post in your journal went through. You're young and it is ok to make mistakes, we all do. Say positive things to yourself and give yourself permission to be human, have joy and andmost importantly forgive the person you truly have...you. I am her if you ever need to talk.

it's not as bad as you think. we all have slept with someone we don't know at least once. it's part of being crazy.
but if you really are thinking about killing your self that much, you really should see someone. even if it's not a professional. maybe you could go to a church and talk to someone who could give you guidance.

Hi. I just wanted to say that as a college student myself (graduate student) I think experimentation is normal. I don't think your thoughts are bad--everyone has their slips--especially when alcohol and drugs are involved. However, University campuses (even community college campuses) have great counseling services, usually with same day appointments if you are having suicidal thoughts. Since you are already taking an anti-d I'm imagining you are in touch with a dr.? Do not ever forget that sometimes anti-d's can cause suicidal thoughts. If you read the information that comes with them--they say this can occur up until the age of 23.
Hope this helps! Try not to be too hard on yourself.

i am about to SI...
no one here (at school) understands how my head works. they all think that i am overreacting. i can't live with myself anymore.

but i understand.
remember, the mind of a person with any kind of mental illness, even if it's just depression, works different that "normal" people. so don't expect them to understand.
grab a peice of paper and write down Every thought you are having till you get it all out.

left a message on your journal hun. hope you ok.

i read your journal, so, ok you made a mistake...the bigger problem is that you are beating yourself up over and over for being human...if i told you all my capers in the past, you'd feel like an angel ;) seriously though, i think talking with a therapist would help you not be so hard on yourself.