your not mad, Your just under a lot of pressure. I think things a lot of the time,but try my best to get over it. Some times I have to ask for help. Get the looks,you know the looks. Oh god here we go again. Just put those to the side and dump all your crap off on them anyway.

I'm always concerned when someone believes they don't deserve to live. They will likely find a way to bring about what they feel they deserve. Until you address that belief, you will likely be going through this again.

I particularly dislike messages in families, media, movies and tv where people are described as deserving to live and deserving to die -- and for a variety of reasons.

honey, we are all a bit mad. It makes the world an interesting place. Don't take yourself and others too seriously and remember to take deep breaths along the way.

I find myself thinking of those things also, and 3:00 a.m. is perhaps one of the worst times. I'm concerned about one thing -- have you ever had any therapy to deal with the sexual abuse? I'm not an abuse survivor but had a friend once who was; she didn't start getting really better until she was able to join an abuse survivor group. I've known several people whose depression seemed to have its roots in sexual abuse, and perhaps finding some help specifically for that -- therapy, a group, whatever -- might help to ease the pain that makes you feel like dying.

At any rate, keep posting -- we're here for you!

yes, i've cbt for the abuse,it was really good.