I've been out of the hospital for two days now, and things are better, but still extremely difficult. I still feel alone, and still a little hopeless. The intent of suicide is gone, but the thought of it still haunts me. All I want, is to feel like I can take on lifes challenges every day. I struggle just to get one thing done in a day. I don't quite understand why meds take so long to start to work, yet the system releases me back into the world with such desparation. I have support, but am I willing to use it? Group therapy, one-on-ones; it all seems so overwhelming. It seems to be so much work. Am I truly worth it?

They say that children of parents that have committed suicide, are 40% more likely to commit suicide, themselves. My children deserve much more than that, and that is why I choose to live. I live for them, even if I am broken right now. Even if I can't be there for them right now. No matter how hard it is, I must at least try. Suicide is easy. It's the living part that is so hard, especially with all the societal pressure placed upon each and every one of us.


I love my children, at least I try to...