i'm sitting here drugged up to the nines on sedatives because i have no idea how to calm myself down when i have a crisis or panic attack or whatever the hell that shit was earlier. i had to phone the out of hours service again to give me drugs so i wouldnt harm myself. If this is what life is going to be like for me then fuck it i dont want to know. he doesnt love me anymore, why cant i accept that? why cant i move on? cause im absolutely pathetic. everybody goes through break ups but normal people deal with it sensibly. can i do that? no i go into crisis and need damn drugs to be able to sit in my flat and watch tv. i cant even do that without freaking out. its bollocks and im sick of it. i dont know where to go from here. im lost in this crap. id rather sit here miserable than have to experience the hysterical crying, the shaking, the sweating, the palpitations, the hyperventilating. for gods sake why cant i just be normal! *SCREAMS*
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