Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Now that I know this, I think I can start healing.

deleted_user
deleted_user
Here we go 'round the mulberry bush...the mulberry bush...the mulberry bush...Here we go 'round the mulberry bush on a cold and frosty morning.

I was falling apart at the seems. I went to stay with a friend for about a week. I came home for 1 day and was holding on by a thread. I went to my aunts house cause I wasn't safe to be alone. No sleep, no food, no liquid, makes for one sick snowy girl.

I was watching Charmed, the episode where Piper turns into a Fury and wreaks havoc all over her family until she comes to realize the real source of her rage is the death of her sister. Well, I was just bawling. My aunt was holding me. She asked, "Does this hit home for you?" as she was looking down at me.

I didn't want to admit anything. I just burried my head into her lap. She asked, "Are you mad at your mom for dieing?" I just screamed at her, "YES! SHE LEFT ME AGAIN!"

There it was. Out in the open. Mommy and I had such a great relationship for the past 2 years. How dare she leave me again? Our relationship was finally healed and we were having a great time together. How could she just leave me alone? How could she not know that I need her? How could she die and leave me an orphan? How could she abandon a relationship that was healed?

OH MY GOD! Mommy where did you go? It was too soon. I want to know so much more from you. I want to still hold you. I want to still talk with you. I want to still laugh with you. How could you leave me with nothing? How couyld you leave me so empty? I miss you. How could you leave me? How could you just leave me? How could you leave me? Mommy, please come back. I don't want to be mad at you, but I am. I am mad at you. You left me when I was a little baby girl and you have left me again. You left me again. I hate you for leaving me. DO YOU HEAR ME MOMMY? I HATE YOU FOR LEAVING ME!!!! I love you so much. I can't stand this. How could you leave me again?
BeckyK
BeckyK
Oh, snowy! You just said everything I have burried for years! Thank you! You are such a blessing to have in my life!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I didn't understand how I could be so angry with her when our relationship was so good now. I didn't want to admit that I felt abandoned again. It's not her fault she died. But I am still hurting and sad and angry and I hate her and love her all the same...it's just so confusing. But at least I know what is holding me back now and I think I can start to heal.
BeckyK
BeckyK
Yes, you will start to heal now. You are at the angry stage of grief. You will soon move on to the next stage, and so on. You are on the road to recovery! Yay for you!!! I hope I can get there too. My mother took her own life, that is a strugle for me to get over.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Until time heals your sorrows, and time will heal your sorrows and Christ will be there holding your heart, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. When grief hits us, an hour seems like a day. I agree with BeckyK, you have started the healing process and when you are fully healed, you will be even stronger than before. ((((((((Snowy)))))))) +++++++++++Christ & Snowy++++++++++
starfish
starfish
I wonder what my mom's death is going to be like. I hardly noticed when my dad died - I felt bad for ONE evening. That's how close we were. At least I knew in his heart, he did love me, he had a lot of problems. But I could see them.
But my mom, she's just evil. And I think mainly, not because of her caustic, toxic character, to put it mildly, but I think becuase she has just given in to it, manipulated and controlled whomever she could get at the time, to take care of her, instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what needs fixing.

Snowy, I know your sadness is so deep and painful - but know it is because of the love you and your mom had/have for each other, and that in time, it will heal, and the pain will subside. And you will be able to enjoy happy memories again.
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