This is my first time doing something like this. Ive been feeling depressed for a long while now. I really dont know what to really do. I dont typically see myself as someone that should ask for help. My life and problems dont even compare to those who struggle to just survive day after day. I only have a couple of real close friends that arent really there right now, they dont have the time. So it feels like I have no one to talk to that wouldnt freak out about how I was feeling. Its just becoming too hard to keep it in now. Everyday thoughts of just ending my life keep popping in my head as im just trying to get through the day. At school, at home, at work and I just want to give in to it. And yet I havent and I dont know whats holding me back. I figure maybe I still feel that I can change my life around, although I have tried and I honestly think im worse off than before. It really got to me especially today, I dont even know why. Nothing bad in particular happened but it was just like my emotions were in overdrive. I know im screwing my life over. I done everything wrong to get myself help. All because I dont want anyone to know what im feeling. And now I dont know what to do. Its like I can talk about how im feeling for only so long but I dont know the steps to get my life better. I put a barrier around myself, isolating myself, because I dont want to bring people into my life. I cant open up with others and its tearing me up. Im my own worst enemy it seems.
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