This is my first time doing something like this. Ive been feeling depressed for a long while now. I really dont know what to really do. I dont typically see myself as someone that should ask for help. My life and problems dont even compare to those who struggle to just survive day after day. I only have a couple of real close friends that arent really there right now, they dont have the time. So it feels like I have no one to talk to that wouldnt freak out about how I was feeling. Its just becoming too hard to keep it in now. Everyday thoughts of just ending my life keep popping in my head as im just trying to get through the day. At school, at home, at work and I just want to give in to it. And yet I havent and I dont know whats holding me back. I figure maybe I still feel that I can change my life around, although I have tried and I honestly think im worse off than before. It really got to me especially today, I dont even know why. Nothing bad in particular happened but it was just like my emotions were in overdrive. I know im screwing my life over. I done everything wrong to get myself help. All because I dont want anyone to know what im feeling. And now I dont know what to do. Its like I can talk about how im feeling for only so long but I dont know the steps to get my life better. I put a barrier around myself, isolating myself, because I dont want to bring people into my life. I cant open up with others and its tearing me up. Im my own worst enemy it seems.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...