I am so sorry you feel that way.

You need to be careful, because if your feelings are numb, you may not recognize how bad a shape you are really in.

And if you are holding off getting help becuase your nephew is there, that is not a good reason if you really need help, and it sounds like you do.

Yesterday you had a plan, and the feelings are still there today, which means this is not just a passing thing, but coming back again.

You need to call 911, go to your nearest ER, or call a 1-800#. THat should be listed in your telephone book, or there is a link in the blue area at the bottom of every DS page.

You are welcome to talk here, but you need to get help.

1). Are you the one watching your nephew, if he is young?

2) Have you felt this way before, or tried to commit suicide before?

i hope you feel better

I agree with Starfish. You must find help for yourself because no one can physically stop you if you feel your actions are beyond your thoughts. You should keep your nephew's image in your mind and give yourself that reason to do this. please don't give up. You'll be fine if you give it a chance, you'll see...

How about trying to make some kind of positive plan instead of a ngenative one. Decide on something you'd like to do or that you want to accomplish, nothing big, some you can do without too much, effort, and then do it. You'll feel like you've done something positive, and you'll know that the next time you can something a little bit more ambitious. When I first started taking meds and fighting my depression I found it helped to set little goalsclean the coffe table, sweep the floor, any thing I knew I could start AND finish. Just completing some simple task made me feel better.

thanks yall

Starfish is right. Do anything to take your mind off those thoughts and get some real help. Keep talking to us if it helps.

Dear Lookeeher...i have felt like quiting numerous times due to my chronic pain and abusive marriages and i have no one to talk to about it. My parents are divorced and don't want to hear that their little (40 year old) girl has issues, but it is important to talk about depression and other issues in a family because these types of illnesses could be genetic and that would make us feel a little better knowing that it's not just us that some of it we can't help it's in our blood. When you say the people there don't want to hear you whine do you mean your family? That's a shame because God put you in this world just like the rest of us for a purpose and maybe your purpose is to help me thru my suffering or one day to be there for your nephew or who knows yet what his plan or mission for us is but it is not for us to give up. He gave us the gift of life and i know friend, somedays i feel like i know i will go to Heaven because i am already living in HELL. But i was happy at one time in my life and i let those around me destroy me and its time to fight back and get my life back. You and I and the rest of us suffering has just as much right to a long full life. So like Maridon said, find something small you can accomplish and even if it is washing the mirror in the bathroom so you can see your beautiful self smile back and say "I belong in this world and there are people that need me" then do that. When i wanted to end my life this summer my lovely husband told me to go ahead and kill myself when i was hurting from back pain and you know what? Just for his comment i need to thank him because that makes me want to live! Try drawing or poetry or take another hobby up if you aren't able to work right now. The main thing friend is keep active as possible and keep your mind occupied. I have learned while laying here in the bed for the past 2 mos. recoverying from my double back surgery that the more i am alone with nothing to do the more thinking time i have and the deeper i sink into despair. Go to your therapist and be honest with her that you are taking a few steps back in your treatment and want to get better and could she please help you move forward again. It's that time of year too with the days getting shorter and darker and the holidays coming. Don't get into despair about them. Keep in mind what the holidays mean really its not about the gift giving and going into debt its just about family and friends and love and peace and togetherness. If those around you don't want to support you, there are hundreds here at DS that will support you and be your friend. If not for my DS and Careplace family i would have no one. You all have saved my life so many times. I don't know how old you are but i am sure you have many many great years ahead of you and you need to love yourself friend because we love you and need you ~ you are a part of our team! We are all from different age groups, genders, sexes, income levels, states etc. but here we are all the same friend just people suffering and trying to find our way in this world. You are not alone so please don't give up or ever feel that you are alone. PLEASE! Call your doctor and maybe its time to have some blood work done, it could be that your thyroid is bad like my daughter suffers with hers and it can mess with your hormones and moods and maybe its something your body is lacking that can be adjusted and if it is something simple don't throw away a life for it friend, there is help out there. Sorry to go on and on but i know how you feel just read my journals i feel isolated and alone and wonder what the hell am i still fighting for but i am only starting to live. I am getting a divorce and i am going to start to live again. Get up tomorrow morning and watch a sunrise and watch the colors change before your very eyes and that is a gift to you from God and then go back to bed if you are tired but get up and enjoy one of the best artist around and each day find something beautiful in this world and enjoy it like a tree or a mountain. There is so much life ahead of you don't quit! love Sherry

lookeehere,
You need to keep fighting those voices in your head. They mean you harm not good. You arent a burden to anyone here and noone is tired of talking to you. You matter here in this world and obviously you matter to your nephew. Do not make him sad for the rest of his life. Do not make those in your life wonder why they lost you and why they could not help you. You need to go back to your doctor and tell him that the meds he has you on are not working. There are meds out there to help get these voices to stop and to make you feel better. I mean it, just hang on and see your doctor. Better days are ahead of you.

Hun, I've been where you're at. The kind of pain your feeling is searing and its really frustrating when you feel like you've got to hold it together for the sake of someone else and no one else understands what you're going through. I do.

Remember that you and your life is valuable and suicide is a permanent, irreversible action. You're posting here, I suspect, because you're afraid your going to go through with it. Suicidal thoughts and plans are a sign that your brain is not functioning normally. You need someone to help you.

I think you need to mention this to your therapist now. Your therapist should not freak, but probably will try to get you admitted into a hospital so that you won't do what you and she are afraid you will do. It's okay to let someone else take care of you. We all need that sometimes. And, admitting that you need help is not screwing up, its actually a healthy step. Someday your nephew and your family will understand what your going through.