Hey yall, i need some positive re-enforcement and not alarm. I dont want to talk directly to the therapist person because I fell that no matter how I frame this, she will freak. I wont talk to folks here cuz they are already fed up enough with me and probably dont want to hear another word of whining from me. So, Ive decided to talk to you all. I dont so much as have a plan, but I am convinced that I am going to do something to myself some time soon. I cant respond to this feeling right now because im not sure that its real. I know that probably sounds strange but thats where it is at. My mind keeps telling me that I need to act soon. Yesterday I planned to come home, swallow down my pills and not wake up. Instead, I got onto that site and read what was going on and decided to just chill. But the feeling has not passed. The wave was less most of the day but right now it is mounting. I am writing because I really cant have this now. My nephew is visiting and I dont want to mess up with him around. It would suck. I dont want anyone to know what I am feeling and I need to vent or something. Well thats all.
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